Sadness is a normal emotion we all experience though it isn't pleasant. It can hurt a lot, or a little, depending on the significance of what we are sad about, meaningful things or people that are not here now, that we wish were here. Tears that accompany sadness are tears of meaningfulness. They often help us feel better.
We are sad because we miss someone or something that is very important to us. We care so much that we hurt when it's gone. It's okay to cry about things that are important to us. We can tell this to our children, using a joining technique.
Children, particularly the very young, ages 2 to 5, don't always understand their emotions so we can help them define their emotions, as we see or have a good guess what they are. We join and teach by saying things like ?We are sad when our friend goes away for a summer vacation. We want to play with them, but we can't, because they aren't here. They will be back though, in two weeks. It is even okay to be a little angry that they left, but we know their whole family went together like we do when we go to Disneyland. So, we hope they have fun. We will find out when your friend comes back. Mommy and Daddy feel the same way when our best friends go away.? Also, teach your children to talk with you about their feelings ? sadness, hurt, anger, fear ?.. and of course good feelings. Let them know it is both fun and important to share feelings together.
Sadness, Loss and Grief
Sadness and grief comes from the losses of important people, pets, friends, or a sibling, usually through death. In order to help your child it is important you know about grief and loss so you can then help your child through it. The child (or us) is hurt, stunned, even a bit disoriented about the loss (death, moving away). There can be, for a while, a sense of disbelief. After that the sense of helplessness and outrage about death often emerges in us, and often gets distorted into blaming others or ourselves (makes us momentarily feel less helpless ? but it is a distortion). We may blame the doctor, when the cause is illness, or the other driver when the death is from an accident, or blame ourselves. For instance, the if only's ?.. ?If only I had driven grandmother that day she wouldn't have died?, or If only I had done the errand for her, she wouldn't have died?, or a little child, ?If only I hadn't been mad at her she'd still be here?, or ?I should have been nicer to her?. The overly-responsible self blaming tries to (unrealistically, magically) reassure us that we can stop death, which we can't. So, it comes up for a while. Soon we cry, feel very sad, and long to have the lost one back with us. We go through memories of good and bad times with the lost one, good feelings and painful feelings. We often dream of the lost one, and catch ourselves talking about the person or pet as if they were still here. The process goes on for many months, breaking into our mind anytime, but particularly holidays or birthdays. We regrieve, over and over. It gradually becomes less painful and the episodes shorter.
Show full page Duncan Wallace MDNovember 20, 2012Note: This Perspectives Blog post is written by a Guest Blogger of DrGreene.com and is provided in order to offer a variety of thoughtful points of view. The opinions expressed on this Perspectives Blog post do not reflect the opinions of Dr. Greene or DrGreene.com. As such, Dr. Greene and DrGreene.com are not responsible for the accuracy of the information supplied. This post is used under Creative Commons License CC BY-ND 3.0.
Source: http://www.drgreene.com/perspectives/2012/11/20/sadness
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